By Gigi Taylor
Another year, 2018. As we start the new year, we often think about choices: What choices we’ve made in the past year, and what choices we hope to make in the upcoming year. I’ve often thought about my choices. They say that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Think about our choices and every equal or opposite reaction that follows it. We can’t change our choices of the past year, but we can hope and strive to make better choices for the future.
And that’s where I am now…choices. I can’t change the choices I’ve made about staying with M for the past one and a half years, but how can I make my choices better for 2018? Do I stay or do I go? It’s a daily conundrum I live with. It’s so easy to be selfish in this world today and say, “Well I’m not getting what I want out of this, so I’ll just leave!” Sounds like a good choice for a death row wife, right? As if I’m not going to get much out of this relationship with the limitations that are stacked against us, but I ask you this…is that true love? The answer is simply, No. True love isn’t selfish love. It’s what we call Agape. It’s the purest and most self-less form of love. It’s the love that we give with no hopes of getting something in return.
So my choice…I battle with this everyday. M has given me more than any man I’ve ever been with in the outside-free world could ever possible try to give me. Our love is the Agape love…along with the other types of love as well (Eros, Philia, Storge,…etc.). He can’t give me fancy things or hold me tight at night, but what he can give he gives selflessly and with all his heart and soul. So choices…this is why I stay with a man on Death Row. This is my choice to stay and be with him through the good and of course, our not so great times. I hope and pray that my choice has a positive reaction. I can’t change what has happened with M, being where he is. But I can help him to grow and love as a man, for we often forget that these men are human and are completely capable of all human emotions…even that of love.
So I stumbled upon this ‘run on sentence’ about choices. I choose this life because it’s where I am supposed to be. M is the other half of my sky. There’s no one else I could ever choose above my sky.