Published by: Admin JoJo Matthews
Yesterday was a very emotional day for me I finally got to see my love after 40 days. He was on 30 day loss of privileges and then I had to work the following Friday after he got off of LOP. 40 isn’t a lot of days compared to some people and in fact it’s not the longest I have gone without seeing him. For some reason this 40 days took a toll on me.
The visit was great, he looks amazing, he looks like a giant weight has been lifted off his shoulders. We talked about everything going on in my life and everything going on with him inside there. I kept it together. It was when I was alone last night that the post visit blues kicked in. I cried so hard a few times that I gave myself a headache. I knew I needed to but haven’t been able to. Last night it was like a dam broke. Since going to prison in October I’ve only shed a few tears here and there because I knew I needed to be strong for him. Then he started having problems with other inmates so I stayed strong for him and kept him encouraged. Now everything is ok and I broke down. I am sad because the person he is in there when everything is against him he still manages to stay positive. My love and his mom’s love are enough for him to want to be ok he wants to be with his family.
I
am also sad about all the stuff that he will never get to experience. He was 25
when he got locked up, he is 29 now, his life hadn’t even started yet. Yet this
man manages to keep a positive attitude. I am just so amazed. I am sad because
this man is the love of my life and he is never coming home, we get to have our
relationship always under the watchful eye of DOC.
I woke up feeling better today, I can’t
change the past, I can’t change DOC all I can do his love him and keep him
encouraged and make sure he doesn’t live in a world of darkness and despair. He
already suffers enough with the remorse of his crime, no punishment can compare
to what he goes through daily in his own mind. So I am going to continue to
give him as much love as I can and hopefully one day he will forgive himself for
what happened.
