Published by: JoJo Matthews

If I could tell you one lesson I’m learning as a prison wife that I probably stumble the most with, it would be learning to not be judgmental.

I don’t even know how the hell I became a person that can even form judgmental thoughts about others. I don’t even care to speculate because, it’s an ugly part of that I battle with.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t walk around being nasty and rude to others but, I’ve had my moments where I think to myself thoughts that are nothing less than judgmental.

Everyone has these kinds of thoughts whether you admit to them or not.
I find myself wondering when I have these thoughts about someone, what kind of the thoughts they are having of me and would I like them if they were made known to me. If they knew my man is locked up and what he is locked up for, would I like knowing their thoughts?

I guess it goes back to the saying treat others as you wish to be treated. Another favorite of mine is if you don’t have anything nice to say then don’t say anything at all.

We can’t control what others think and feel about our situation.

We hope that with all our hearts that people who mean the most to us will at least have the common decency to respect our relationship if not support it or unable to understand it. That’s not always the case though. We have to respect their right to an opinion and their feelings even if it’s not in line with ours.

I’m not by any means saying take any kind of abuse or disrespect about it. I’m saying react in a way that is kind to yourself and kind to them. Walk away or ask them to leave and say that you don’t have to listen to disrespectful or abusive words.

It’s not always about the solution to the problem it’s the reaction.

Often times in our lives we have to reflect and analyze our lives and change things. This is no different. You can add and delete whomever you want from your life, blood related or not. Just because you do doesn’t mean they can’t come back at a later time. We are all human we all grow some slower than others and that’s ok.

This is all much easier said than done, believe me I know.

My advice is if you feel you will receive negative back lash about your relationship then keep quiet about it. It’s not anyone’s business but yours and his/hers. Just because you don’t talk about your man openly to people in your life that doesn’t mean you don’t love them.

It’s about self preservation. I’m not ashamed of my man by any means. I’m not proud of the situation, I’m proud of what he has done since being locked up. Not everyone would agree with me but it’s also not everyone’s business.

Another piece of advice is stop expecting people to understand because honestly, no one will unless they’ve walked in our shoes.

I believe God created Joey and I, for each other. While I’m certain this isn’t what God chose for our lives, he also understands he gave us free will when he created us and that our decisions weren’t always going to be in line with his.

I have chosen to stay by his side and therefore I adjust my life accordingly.


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