Published by: JoJo Matthews
I read many many many stories about girlfriends/wives/fiancées and even family members losing there loved ones to prison.
I am one of the included of course.
At the start of my journey, I was distraught. I was overwhelmed with guilt and all I could think about were the what ifs. What if I had tried harder? What if I told more people? What if I didn’t try to walk away?
Some will say I’m at an advantage because we weren’t married, living together or even in an actual relationship. We were friends with benefits and co-workers.
What you have to understand is I was very much in love with Joey. He cared about me a great deal but he was a very broken and hurt man. He was betrayed and hurt a lot in his life and didn’t know how to cope with that so he couldn’t see what he had right in front of him. ME.
We were used to seeing each other almost every day at work. We worked long hours at a restaurant and you tend to get really close, really fast with people you see every damn day for more hours than you can count. Afterward, when we would be at home, we would both be wound up from the nights’ shift and unable to sleep so we would text each other into the wee hours of the morning.
We may have not slept together, lived together, etc. but this was our reality. Anyway, I became far too emotionally involved in him and had to walk away.
Then he got locked up.
I was devastated. I knew immediately he would be serving a lot of time.
When I decided to remain by his side I had no clue how hard this was going to be.
I have an older brother that is locked up, has been my whole life. I figured I got this. No problem.
Reality began to sink in, I watched as my friends got married, had kids, etc. My reaction was to curl up and sleep forever.
I was depressed and angry. I wanted to cry all the time and this is after I made my choice knowing the possibilities.
I found SPWF, I read about Ro and let me tell you if Ro can do what she does then we should be able to do anything at all. I decided at that point I had to absorb into this life. I couldn’t just sit on the sidelines. I’ve told Joey from the beginning behave, have faith and good things will happen. I knew I could no longer simply exist if I expect him to behave and better himself in the time he is incarcerated then I had better do something with my time.
We as wives, girlfriends, fiancées, mothers, etc. do the time with our loved ones that are locked up, but that doesn’t mean our lives have to be on hold. This is a time when we should work on ourselves, work on our relationship with our loved ones. It’s a great way to improve communication skills.
Work, get a new job, go back to school, find a hobby, make new friends, go back to church, volunteer your time. Be a support sister on our site or even a mentor. You want to be the best you and be full of strength and have a plan for his homecoming.
Sit and cry if you need to, get angry. Let your emotions out. Just don’t dwell there permanently.
I know that for many of you it feels as though your life has ended, it’s been flipped upside down and that things will never be OK.
That’s a normal feeling. It will never get easier you just learn
One thing I can say is once I found Ro and her site I never felt alone again.