What A Day!!

Published by: JoJo Matthews

Yesterday was an emotional roller coaster for me.

My very dear friend, her daughter, my mom daughter and myself all went to the zoo yesterday. It’s a huge zoo with lots of things to see and do and we were there the whole day.

I did my best to keep a joyful mood and happy face on when all I wanted to do is break down and cry like a baby. All I could think about is how my love would have enjoyed the day being with his family. He would have gone on all of the rides with my daughter, laughing and joking around.

I can actually picture it in my mind how he would look and how she would look. It breaks my heart into millions of pieces knowing we will never experience a day like that together because he has life without parole. I know I can write to him and share the experience and send pictures. He will be happy if course but I also know him it will eat at him because he knows too he will never experience that day. His heart will be broken.

Yes he is the one that put himself where he is by the decisions he made but when you are high out of your mind you don’t think of all the stuff you could lose if you do something stupid and end up in prison. All he thought about was the pain he was suffering and how he just wanted to forget it all. He didn’t know he had an amazing family that he could lose, we were simply friends at the time not engaged. He was young and stupid and had an attitude of nothing bad will happen, there is nothing wrong with me.

Don’t get me wrong I had an awesome time, being with my daughter and making her happy makes my heart soar. I was also saddened because this is kind of our last little hurrah before she goes off to her dad’s for 6 months. 6 months isn’t a long time unless you happen to be a parent that has to go without their kid for that long. I try to stay positive about the situation though happy she gets to see her dad and siblings. I really want to be selfish though and keep her with me always.

However, that isn’t the right thing to do and I do my best to not let my feelings about her dad and his family be known to her. They aren’t bad people in any way I just don’t agree with how they parent and I am angry at him for not taking care of things he needed take care of before leaving.

As always though I pick myself up and carry on because that’s who I am, I don’t give up.