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Renewal

Published by: JoJo Matthews

Its been a very difficult year for me. I lost two people extremely close to me.

The first person I lost was a close friend we’ve been friends since childhood. He passed away on Easter morning. He was an amazing person that impacted many people’s lives. He always had a smile and a kind word for everyone. His passing affected a lot of people. He left behind a wife, also one of my best friends and a three-year-old adorable daughter. He left behind a mother, father, and brother that I think of as my own family along with aunts, uncles and many cousins.

This was a wake-up call to as to how life really isn’t promised to us for any length of time. When it is our time that’s it we don’t get to bargain or beg or plead to stay longer. It got me thinking about my own life.

Other people in my life passed away but none as close as he was. The effects were more indirect. People close to me were in pain so it caused my great sadness to have people I love and care about hurting.

Then in October of this year, I lost the love of my life to the Arizona Department of Corrections. I watched him get sentenced to life in prison without parole.

I watched as the victims family got up and called my love a monster. I watched him walk away from me as he returned to the holding cell in the courthouse.

I am not big on resolutions for the New Year. Why wait until a New Year to make a change? Make that change that you want to make right away.

The conclusion I came to a few months ago is that my life is in desperate of an overhaul.

I think that one of the reasons many New Year’s resolutions fail is because they are too specific and unrealistic.

My “resolutions” for 2016 are to live more healthy. Yes, I need to lose weight but I am not going to put the stress of a goal of weight loss. I know myself and I won’t succeed.

I am also working on my negative attitude and being kinder to people even when I get frustrated with them.

Last but not least I want to figure out what I want to do with my life. I am almost 35 and I am still serving tables in a restaurant and working as an hourly employee at a grocery store.

While you don’t have to do big things to be great I definitely don’t feel like I am doing anything with my life. The past few days this has really been bothering me. I have no clue what I want to do. Growing up I was always told find something you love to do because if you don’t love what you do then you will always be miserable.

The only thing I love to do is to cook but working in the restaurant industry has ruined that for me. I could never work in a kitchen with all that stress. I don’t want my joy of cooking to turn into something I can’t stand.

I have a lot of reflecting to do.

Remember that we can make any change at any time in our lives. Life is too short to wait for a tomorrow that we are not even promised.

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