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A Lifers Wife

Published by: JoJo Matthews

Friday, October 23rd, 2015 my love was sentenced to life without parole. It was awful to hear the judge say those words but I faired much better Than I thought I would and my love was a trooper as usual.

I only cried once and that was when he got up to speak. He had told me earlier on when this was a possibility still that he wouldn’t speak.

Anyway, I could hear the sorrow, the regret and the remorse in his voice. I cried because I was so proud of him to make that decision knowing the victims family would rip him to shreds beforehand.

I thought I would cry when the family got up to say their bit but I was annoyed and angry even though they had every right to speak even though they were haunted by an awful tragedy not there is a good tragedy.

I have very unChristian like thoughts yet expected them to be more Christian like. I was angry that her family could get up there and paint a pretty little picture of how great and wonderful this girl was and make my love look like a monster.

I was advised what I had to say was best kept between me and him. Nothing I said would have changed anything and would’ve only enraged the family of the victim.

I wanted to speak on his goodness because those strangers know nothing of my love only what happened that early morning.

I wanted to throw in their faces and ask why if she was such a Saint, she was in the company of a monster, then either remind them or bring to light her darkness.

No, she wasn’t on trial, but neither was he, he admitted guilt when he signed the plea. Nothing they could have said would have changed the judges’ mind about sentencing even though he had the option to sentence my love to death.

A plea was signed and prosecution agreed, life without parole was a deserving sentence. Her family disagreed.

Later that night when I spoke to my love and shared my feelings I was a bit taken aback by his response.

He asked me if I could blame them for their feelings? He told me he had thought a lot about it and said he would feel the exact same way if the tables had been turned.

So I hung my head in shame for my unChristian like thoughts but my heart swelled with pride because that day he confirmed all my thoughts about the type of person he is. I pray that her family can find closure and peace and move forward and find forgiveness not for my loves sake but for their sake. He doesn’t seek their forgiveness because he knows that it’s next to impossible for them to do so and that the only one he needs forgiveness from is from our Heavenly Father.

I pray for forgiveness from our Heavenly Father for my unChristian like thoughts.

A dark and heavy sadness looms over me but at the same time I’m glad we finally get to move on and we no longer hang in limbo. We can work to make the best of this horrible chapter in our lives.

I know my lessons have been learned and I go forward knowing I have many more to come for once their are no more lessons is when I return home to heaven.

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