Published by: JoJo Matthews
I had to take a couple of days to calm down a little bit before writing this blog. I am learning on this journey there is a lot of repeating the same thing over and over. I believe it comes with the territory of constantly changing members, people come and go so if I have to keep saying the same thing over and over again I will.
This journey is difficult emotionally and financially. We want to ensure that our loved one is taken care of while locked up. That’s great because I want to do the same thing, however I know I must be smart about it. I am a single mom so when my child is with me there is no one else to take care of her, that responsibility falls to me. If I am not good, if I am tired, sick, upset not matter what I still have to take care of her. Therefore I am going to do everything that I can to make sure that I am in a good frame of mind and I am as healthy as I can be so that I can take care of her. I come first in this family then my daughter comes second. I know there are some of you that are thinking oh my gosh how selfish of you. There isn’t anyone to take care of me, my loved one is locked up in prison, there is very little he can do if anything at all.
My love never expects me to do anything for him and is grateful when I do things for him. I made it clear to him from the very beginning that I want to do things for him and that I don’t feel obligated to and that if there ever comes a time when I do feel obligated then he will be cut off. He put me in a bind once and only once. He ended up owing 50 dollars to some dude for gambling debt. I was struggling pretty bad at the time but I scraped up the 50 dollars and paid the dude the money that my love decided to lose. I told him the next time he is just going to have to fight and if he gets hurt then maybe it would be his lesson to not do it anymore. He doesn’t borrow stuff from people, if he needs something he trades for what he needs. Thankfully he is blessed with a talent and is able to use that to get what he needs. If there ever comes a time when I cannot do for him he is understanding, he knows he put himself where he is by making the poor choices he made. He doesn’t want his family to struggle and it eats him up that he can’t do anything to help us.
Your loved one should never make you feel obligated to
do anything for you and should never put you in a bind. YOU should always come
first. They will always have a roof over their head, granted it is a miserable
roof but I tell you this their decisions landed them where they are. They are
provided food, it may be minimal but they won’t starve to death.
When you lose your home then you have nothing, if you lose your job then you have no way to feed yourself and provide for your family if you have one.
DO NOT ALLOW them to bully you, make you feel bad or demand anything from you. Do things out of love and kindness but don’t forget that you MATTER too and make sure you are good and your children are taken care of before giving that money to them, putting money on the phone, going to visit, sending packages etc. If they can’t understand your decision to take care of you and your children first then maybe it’s time to rethink who you are in love with….just saying.